It’s not unusual for me once the kids are in bed, to be found on the sofa with a large glass of red, maybe pint of fosters or glass of Bombay if I’m feeling posh, reflecting on the day, wondering where it’s gone wrong and how I can be a better parent tomorrow and keep myself together. I’ll google positive parenting strategies which I vow to follow from now on but which go out the window after I’ve been exposed to Max’s prolonged whinge or Ella’s sinister tactics.
But after a lengthly chat with the hubby (chat implies it was a two conversation when his standard response to my parenting concerns is ‘well they are kids aren’t they’), I analysed what I am actually saying to my kids and at best it is possibly a bit confusing and at worst downright contradictory. Any of these familiar?
Lennon, Heidi and Polly eat all their veg/ sit nicely at the table/ go to bed sensibly.
Well I’m not Polly’s mum/ you don’t live with Heidi/Lennon’s older than you.
No of course we are not having McDonald’s it’s bad for you.
Eat up all those chips as there is nothing else until teatime.
Don’t pick up sweets of the floor and eat them you will have tummy ache.
Oh that’ll be right, eat it up quick (dusting down a dropped sandwich)
Please don’t hit your brother come and tell me if he keeps being silly and ruining your game.
Oh for goodness sake stop telling tales I don’t need to know your every move!
You must tell mummy every time you need a wee so you don’t have accidents.
Seriously you need another wee that can’t be right, are you sure?
Yes next time we will bring wellies to the park so of course you can go in puddles.
Get out of that puddle it’s been raining solid for over a week, now you are soaking, how silly!
We don’t eat chocolate first thing in the morning do we, come on, let’s be sensible.
This does obviously not apply to mummy. Or daddy these days.
That is not how we talk, speak kindly STOP SHOUTING!!!!! Pot calling kettle maybe??