September 2016

Well is been a while. We got through the summer holidays hurrah!!! Even enjoyed it in parts but never the less glad September has come around.

Ella’s started school and every morning when I see her in her uniform I still can’t quite believe she is old enough to go. Although each day when I pick her up her new attitude reminds me she could very well be in high school. ‘Mummy’ is often replaced with ‘mum’ and already my authority as the person who knows everything, is being challenged by ‘My Teacher says’ and also God. After the 28th argument between Ella and Max about who’s birthday party was going to be better, I shouted ‘honestly can we just stop this, who cares?’. Ella shoots me a look and says very calmly ‘God cares mummy’. Right well I suppose he does Ella. Probably doesn’t want you to full on fight about it though does he. Ella once a pretty good conformist at meal times (provided a frube or something with sugar in was on offer afterwards) now says ‘I’m not eating that it’s disgusting. Why is everything you make disgusting? Why does tea take so long when you know I’m hungry?’ Why??? Maybe because I’m chopping 6 different veg in a chopper to make it invisible so Max will eat it, I’m doing half mince half lentils as too much red meat is bad for you, I’m blending a balance of herbs so its not tasteless yet not too much salt for Penny, plus adding the appropriate amount of wine for a family meal- all this is besides the point as its actually ready for when they walk in, they just have to wait 8 mins for the pasta to go with the bolognese. Not to mention this is after they are greeted from school with a homemade chocolate chip shortbread- ‘oooohhhh mummmmm I said I wanted a chocolate ball not chocolate biscuit’. Sorry about that. Must do better mummy.

I get my own back by pulling Ella’s hair, ever so slightly, harder than usual when brushing it after the bath and she shouts ‘Jesus Christ mum!’. ‘Ella!’ I said, ‘don’t say that and certainly not in school’ Ella just replies ‘but it hurts. Anyway why did Jesus die so young?’ Good diversion tactic. ‘Not sure El, I think your teacher will know’. Then we go back to the usual conversations of Ella saying she never wants to leave me so I can’t ever go in jail or to heaven or she will want to come and what will happen if she goes to jail as ‘sometimes I like being naughty’. No neither of us are going to jail, heaven is a long way off we will be together forever kind of chat. So imagine my surprise when the next morning Ella says ‘so when do you think you will go to heaven mummy’ and I reply ‘oh El not for a while don’t worry’ and she says ‘well it’s just that I want a cat and you’re allergic’. That’s nice thanks Ella. ‘Oh can we have a dog then’. Give me strength.

Then we’ve had Max’s epic tantrum in Home Bargain, literally the worst tantrum I’ve ever witnessed let alone experienced. So in hindsight yeah he was mega tired, missing daddy who’s gone back to work, adjusting to nursery without Ella any other reasons for this outrageous behaviour??? The usual trigger ‘no you’re not having a massive £30 toy, you can get that car for a quid and we put the big toy on the Christmas list’ usually works, escalated to him growling at me, scratching me and hitting me- he didn’t even do this at 2??? Do I abandon my shop leaving some much needed bargains in there like my linseeds and electric tooth brushes?? Plus I had Penny unstrapped, on her last crackerbread in the trolley (thank god she’s smiling at people so people think- well at least one is nice) so I’m carrying him sideways as I’m moving the trolley one handed telling Penny how silly he is being. People are stepping out the way fast, faces down as he kicks the shelves, and me, and he starts repeating he will now have the small toy. But I’ve said he can’t have any toy now and with the whole of Home Bargain as my audience I cannot possibly do a U turn on it. So smashing to the checkout we go, a very kind lady who works there (thank you card has been sent) got my shopping out of my trolley and packed my bag while Max screams like he’s being eaten alive by spiders. She then wishes me luck as she mistakenly thinks I have the situation now under control. Max picks up speed as I try to get him, I let go of the trolley, Penny goes careering into some plants outside the shop and so the lady comes back, walks me to my car waits for me to unpack and get the kids in (I did think Max may have to go into the boot)- then goes and gets my quid from the trolley! What a legend! Makes a change from the judgemental older people giving me daggers and ‘wouldn’t happen in my day’ looks. I’m just about ready to let rip at him when he falls asleep.

And then we have Penny. She’s on her 17th cold since being born and bang on cue to Kev leaving she was up 3 times a night for 2 hrs a at a time for a week and that nearly finished me off. Thankfully she’s given up on this phase for now and until next time, I can be rational. Ella is growing up, her attitude stinks and evidently she wants to trade me in for a cat but call me thick skinned (go on I dare you!) I’m glad she feels she can say anything to me without fear I’ll blow up at her. I know she loves me and she tells me I’m the best mummy ever most nights and if she can tell me anything without fear of upsetting me (excluding when she’s being deliberately mean and a horrid cow) I think that stands us in good stead for the teenage years. As for Max, well he’s been a lot calmer since the monumental melt down, better out than in maybe. He does remind me of someone. . . Probably rather it wasn’t in public but we can’t have everything. And yes Penny is back to sleeping through and being pretty easy going. Maybe she just wanted to remind me she might be the smallest but has the power to make me sleep on her floor as and when she likes and that I best not take her good nature for granted. Fiesty, full on, f***ing hard work but that’s family life, wouldn’t have it any other way, would we.

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